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| (Image Courtesy: Jamila Sadiq) |
I was seven years old when, thanks to a family tragedy, I acquired a very good understanding of the factual meaning of death as the end of this life. A few years later I understood it in its conceptual meaning as a transition from this life to the next. Since then I have lost friends, relatives, colleagues, and on two occasions I even witnessed the moment the soul leaves the body. Over the years, I have ceased to fear death as much as I used to. It sounds strange, I know. The inevitability of death makes it futile to fear what is for all intents and purposes the only means of exiting this world. What I have come to fear aside from the condition of my faith when I die, however, is the overwhelming feeling of emptiness, grief, loss, pain and hopelessness that comes with losing a loved one, as well as the flood of memories they leave you with as they exit this world, taking their smiles, kind words and gestures along with them.
On the 14th of January 2018,
I was thrown into a state of intense pain and hopelessness when I received
shocking news of the death of a very close friend. In all honesty, referring to
Abba Isa Abubakar as a friend would
be disrespectful and a disservice to his memory. He was much more than a
friend; he was a brother, and a very loyal and outstanding one at that.
While most people have been shocked by
the sudden nature of his death and have chosen to understandably keep mulling
it over and over, I would like to remember him in a much more pleasant light.
If not for anything else, perhaps that way I can find some semblance of closure
amid the chaos raging in my head.
Abba or Abban Mamie, as he was fondly
called by most of his cousins, nephews and nieces, was a once in a lifetime
kind of gentleman. There weren’t a lot of people like him. One of my most
prominent memories of him was his intense composure and decency. As teens and
adolescents, while we were susceptible to rebellious tendencies, Abba was the
level headed one. He could always be trusted to rein us in when we were at risk
of veering off course, which earned him the nickname “Serious Abba” among some
of his cousins. Well, to be honest, the nickname was more as a result of the
fact that he could be so serious at times as to miss the punch-line of a joke.
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| (Image Courtesy: Jamila Sadiq) |
One of the qualities Abba possessed
which I have always admired was his ability to maintain extreme calm, even in
situations which should warrant panic. If meteors were raining down from the
sky and everyone was running helter-skelter, Abba would be the one guy keeping
his cool, getting everyone into cars in preparation for evacuation. I recall in
November of 2011 when we were in Bauchi for his wedding, the number of guests
had exceeded the number of hotel rooms reserved as there were numerous weddings
taking place in Bauchi at the time.
Considering the kind of pressure he
was under, it would have been totally acceptable and expected of him to lose
his head. I know I would and in fact I did during my wedding when there was a
reservation problem. Not Abba. Without breaking a sweat, he calmly made calls
and was able to seamlessly make alternative arrangements. While we were
chatting that night I remarked on how he tended to his guests and made
arrangements for the wedding so deftly without the usual confusion and memory
lapses that grooms-to-be are known to be struck by. In his usual characteristic
manner, he smiled and said “It may not look like it but I am stressed. Getting
confused will only make it worse.”
Abba is one of the friendliest people
you could ever meet. Whenever he met people for the first time, he would shake
their hand firmly, smile and introduce himself. This particular habit is one
which has rubbed off on a lot us as we have resorted to doing the same.
When it came to being there for his
friends, no one was better than Abba at this. Distance was never an obstacle.
Despite his very busy work schedule, he was always at his friends’ side to
celebrate weddings and births with them as well as lend a shoulder of support
and commiserate with them during tragedies.
Whenever Abba was in a city in which
his friends and relatives resided, he would make sure he visited every single
one of them. EVERY SINGLE ONE. If due to some constraint, he was unable to
visit, he would call and extend his sincere apologies. Bashir Jibril and Sadiq
Gambo, two of his closest friends can attest to this fact.
Abba had an innate ability for cutting
through the most complicated issues, focusing on the important details and
breaking them down into simple bits and pieces of consumable and sensible
information. He exhibited this most when rendering advice to friends. He had
the amazing ability to sit quietly and listen to all one had to say. Sometimes
he listened so quietly and intently you would think he had tuned you out.
However, once you were done talking and he started, it was clear he had listened
to all you had to say. No discussion with Abba was complete without him quoting
a hadith. No matter what problem you came to him with, he always had a hadith
ready to backup any words of advice he may offer.
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| (Image Courtesy: Jamila Sadiq) |
Abba exhibited wisdom far beyond his
years. This was evident in how much his friends relied on him for guidance,
despite being a few years younger than they were. There is no doubt the wisdom
he possessed is why he was able to take on numerous lofty responsibilities at
work, and was also able to fully execute them with exemplary and satisfactory results.
In polygamous families, it is not
unusual to have limited relationships and in some cases divisions among siblings. Although Abba was one of the youngest in the family, he acted as a strong
unifying factor. Through his actions and equal treatment of all his siblings,
he broke down any and all barriers and fused the family into a single solid indivisible
unit.
I can honestly say Abba has never had
a fight with anyone. He never started one, neither would he give you a reason
to do the same. Not even if you were the aggressor. It was almost as if he was
born without the ability to get angry. No matter how much you tried to push his
buttons he would simply stare at you and smile.
His sense of devotion and service to
his mother was highly exemplary. He made sure she never lacked anything. He
went above and beyond to make sure his mother was well cared for. I can only
hope and pray I am able to emulate his example fully. His wife and kids were
the guiding light in all that he did and his love for them could be felt from
the way he spoke about them.
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| (Image Courtesy: Jamila Sadiq) |
Any adjectives I want to employ in
describing Abba seem highly inadequate. All I can say is Abba was an outstanding
and upstanding gentleman. Considering the overwhelming influence he had on the
lives of his friends and family, I honestly don’t know if life can be the same
for us and if we can recover from the loss. It is my fervent hope and prayer
that we are granted the fortitude and strength to get through this difficult
and trying period. I pray Allah grants his soul repose and bless him with
Aljannatul Firdaus.
Abba
Isa Abubakar is survived by a mother, siblings,
relatives, a wife, two kids and numerous friends.
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